A Totally Awesome Fan fiction
by CarmenAdelaide98
Summary: Jamie Tyler and Olivia Park are 13, vulgur, nerdy, and do NOT like children.This is what happens when they get sucked into Harry Potter.Theres also this girl named Amelia Whitestone from their world.They have to pretend she's their little sister.Did i mention they HATE kids?They basically do EVERYTHING a normal potter-head would do if they got pulled into harry potter.OC/FW OC/GW
1. What Is That Strange Ticking Noise?

_**Disclaimer-** I do not, unfortunately, own any thing in this story except Jamie, Olivia, and Amelia._

_**SIDE NOTE-** Butterbeer recipe in our profile._

**AUTHOR'S NOTE- this was written by my friend and me and we decided to make Madam Pomfrey slightly ghetto. We figured they didn't focus on her nearly enough in the books, so why not make her ghetto. Just imagine she grew up in south London in a block. And sorry in advance for any typos, we really need a beta. PM us if you're interested.**

Chapter 1

Strange Ticking Noise or Merlin's Saggy Left-

"Olivia! You're going to spill the Butterbeer!" Jamie exclaimed. "Shut up you little poof." Olivia said as she added the ice to the blender. "Maybe we should move the book." Jamie said, referring to the beautiful newly bought, collector's edition, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone. As Jamie went to move the book, Olivia went to empty the finished drink from the Blender. Their big black (cock JK) dog, Sirius, thought this to be a wonderful time to run across the kitchen straight into Olivia's legs. The dog was retarded. Being the klutz she was, she spilled the Butterbeer all over both girls and the book. The screams both girls let out should be reserved only for rape and/or murder. Harry Potter and Sorcerer's Stone was now wet with the beverage. Jamie stood up quickly to wipe the cover off but at the same moment Jamie's hand made contact with the book cover, Olivia pulled on Jamie's belt loop to help herself up. When this happened a blinding flash of light filled the entire kitchen and Jamie grabbed the book closer to her chest.

Amelia Whitestone was in Orlando Florida visiting the Hogwarts Castle in Harry Potter land, when she came across a very old looking door. Thinking that maybe it was the door to the gift shop and she could get some more chocolate frogs and hopefully get Merlin's card to complete her collection, she went to grab the handle to open the door. When she opened the door it appeared to be just an empty dark room. But she felt that something was off. She felt like she needed to walk inside. Like gravity was pulling her inside. One step was all she took, but one step was all that was needed. She vaguely registered that there wasn't a floor but she was suspended in the air. The light was so blinding she couldn't even tell where it was coming from. "What in the name of Merlin..." she began as she clutched Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows closer to her stomach hoping that If she held it tight enough it would help her somehow.


	2. Snape, Snape Severus Snape

Snape, Snape. Severus Snape

Chapter Two - Unicorn Turds

THUD

"OW" Jamie screamed as her head collided with the wooden desk they had landed on top of.

"This is some hard wood" Olivia said and the girls erupted into giggles at their perverted humor. Sitting up they could tell it dark but as their eyes adjusted to the dimness of the room, it resembled an odd chemistry classroom. "Olivia, what's that in the corner?" Jamie asked motioning towards the far left corner of the room with her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Dead grindylows" a deep voice drawled from behind them. They turned slowly to see a dark figure in black robes with an unmistakable hooked nose & greasy hair. Jamie burst into tears as Olivia fainted...from awesomeness. "What is this awful, awful place?" screamed Jamie through her tears. Snap didn't do well with crying teenage girls. He took the collar of Jamie's 'Team Cedric' t-shirt and dragged her to Madame Pomfrey with Olivia's sleeping body floating behind them. Snape levitated Olivia to an empty bed and threw the hysterical Jamie onto the bed next to her by the collar of her shirt.

"You don't have any dead grindylows, do you?" Jamie shouted in the general direction of Madame Pomfrey.

"What the hell did you to them, Snape?" Madame Pomfrey asked "and why are they so damn sticky?" she asked with an accusing look.

"I did not rape these two, I swear!" Snape exclaimed defensively.

"Of course you didn't" she said sarcastically turning to take care of the two girls.

THUD. Amelia Whitestone had fallen into a remarkably large office. The walls were lined with old, worn books. It was filled to the brim with books. Odd silver trinkets adorned the gothic styled desk. Moving portraits lined the walls just outside the main office. She turned her head slightly & saw a beautiful red bird she immediately recognized as Fawkes, Dumbledore's Phoenix.

As she stood up, her neon blue, green and pink Osiris sneakers squeaked slightly on the wooden floor. Hearing the noise, the owner of the office glided (Yes, Dumbledore glides) down the curving metal stairs to the main floor. Long white beard, check, navy blue robes, check, pointy hat, check, twinkling blue eyes, check. She let out the most horrifying scream ever heard.

She screamed for almost a whole 45 seconds before she had to pause to take a breath. Knowing she was going to continue to scream until she passed out, Dumbledore held up his index finger to stop her. She shut her mouth immediately, because Dumbledore is a badass mutthafukkah like that. "Who are you & how did you get here? Apparition isn't possible inside Hogwarts." he asked, thoroughly curious. "You're not real. You're in this book. (points to hp7) I fell through a door." she said pausing after each statement as if to make sure she was still alive.

"Pardon?" he asked politely.

"This is a book! You belong in this book! You're not- you can't be- YOU'RE NOT REAL!" and she, too fainted from brain overload and so Dumbledore dragged her off to the infirmary.

Please Review!


	3. Dumbledore!

**Author's Note: sorry in advance for any typos, we don't have a beta. If anyone is willed to be our beta, message us. And this is still only the beginning; there will be many strange and funny things happening later. If want the girls to do anything to any character (including professors) don't hesitate to tell us. These girls are crazy HP fans. Anything you want them to do they will probably already be planning it xp**

**Now here's the story cause most of you probably skipped this anyway. -_-**

Chapter 3- EXPECTO PATRONADS!

An hour later Jamie sat quietly in the corner licking a lollipop with an occasional sob while Olivia remained unconscious. "How did you get her to stop crying?" Dumbledore asked as he glided into the hospital wing. "I told her to shut the fuck up and shoved a lulling lolly in her mouth" was Pomfrey's calm reply. "Poppy, that so rude!" completely aghast at Poppy's vulgarity. "It shut the bitch up didn't it?" "What about the other one?" Dumbledore said choosing to ignore Poppy's last statement. "I think she's starting to wake up". Leaning over Olivia, her eyelids fluttered open. "Gandalf?" she asked completely disoriented. "Are you awake, dear? Do you know where you are?" he asked soothingly not wanting her to erupt into tears like her friend had. "Aren't you Richard Harris?" she asked, knowing full well that he had died in 2002. "I'm Professor Albus Dumbledore, and you are?" he asked. "We have to destroy the ring!" she suddenly screamed, sitting up. "What ring?" he asked, backing up slightly, confused by her sudden outburst. "Please don't put it on! I love you too much for you to die that way!" she said with tears in her eyes. "You must be mistaken, this is Hogwarts. There is no place safer. You have nothing to worry about dear. Now, would you care to introduce yourself?" he said. "Sorry, I'm Olivia and that blubbering mess over there is Jamie." she said looking over to the still crying Jamie. Realizing her friend was now awake Jamie ran over to Olivia's bed. " OLLIE! Who are these people! You know I don't like strangers!" Jamie said tearfully, clinging to Olivia's 'Real Men Don't Sparkle. Real Men Defeat Dark Wizards.' t- shirt. "Jam-Jam. Do you know where we are?" Olivia said as if talking to a small child. Shaking her head no, Olivia pointed to Dumbledore. Their current predicament finally registering, her mouth fell open in shock but slowly rose into a smile Harley Quinn herself would be proud of. "Back to witches and wizards" Jamie started singing "And magical beasts" Olivia continued "To goblins and ghosts, and to magical feasts" Jamie sang rather loudly "It's all that I want and all that I need" they sang together as Olivia stood from her seat on the infirmary bed "At Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think I'm going back" they sang, making the hand gestures Darren Criss made in their favorite song. "I-I... Excuse me?" Dumbledore stuttered. "It's kind of a long story and not all of it is going to make sense." Olivia rationally said. "OH. MY GOD! It's like that fan fiction with Tom Riddle!" Jamie squealed. "What is a 'Fan...Fiction'?" Dumbledore asked with a confused tone. "Well... It's kind of... I think this would be something that would be better to explain in the privacy of you office." Olivia said. "Away from prying eyes" Jamie continued eyeing Madam Pomfrey as she kept prodding a lump on another bed across the aisle while still sneaking suspicious looks as the two girls. When the lump started muttering, Jamie realized that there was another person there with them. "Who's that?" Olivia said gesturing to the sleeping form. She had seen Jamie watching and decided to voice both their concerns. "We don't actually know, yet. She appeared in my office around the same time you did."

**~*Sorry for the shortness of the chaps. Should they be longer? Let us know. Oh, and don't forget to review :p**


	4. DUMBLEDORE! (still)

DUMBLEDORE! (still - because fuck you that's why)

Chapter Two – Hagrid's Buttcrack

"Spindel's Spiders," Professor Dumbledore whispered and a giant gargoyle leaped aside to reveal the archway that led to his office. Then they stepped onto a circular staircase that began to move upwards on its own. Olivia stumbled a little and grabbed Jamie's shirt, who somehow managed to keep them from falling.

"Be cool!" Jamie shout whispered to Olivia.

"Oh, it's just like a muggle escalator!" exclaimed Olivia.

"No, no," Jamie said, "It's a BAMF escalator."

"You two know of the term muggle? Are you witches?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh, n-" Jamie began but was interrupted by a sharp elbow to her stomach.

"Yes, yes we are," Olivia said.

"Excellent, where are your wands?" Dumbledore questioned.

"About that," Olivia began "You see, what had happened was we lost them when we fell on Snape's desk."

"Oh, don't worry then. We'll have them replaced before the start of the new term."

"Oli…" Jamie whispered.

"Don't worry, what's the worst that can happen?" she whispered back, "And when does the new term begin?" she asked Dumbledore.

"About a month, you can probably stay with another wizarding family while you wait."

They walked over to the sitting area and Dumbledore looked at them and said, "So could you please elaborate on how you came to be here?"

"I don't even know how to begin to explain." Jamie said.

"Oh, I watch Doctor Who, I've got this!" Olivia began, "My theory is that we come from a parallel universe where this school and everyone in it in this particular time frame are portrayed in the from of children's books. So in our world, you're just a story and a couple years ago they were made into movies which is why when I woke up I asked you if you were Richard Harris who is the actor that plays you in the first movie."

"So, you're not witches?" Dumbledore replied.

"I can't even do card tricks." Jamie confirmed.

"Alright, so we'll test you for magical abilities. I'll call up a close friend of mine and ask if you can stay with him and his family until classes begin. How old are you?"

"We're 13," Olivia answered.

"Oh, excellent!" Dumbledore exclaimed, "He has two sons your age."

Olivia and Jamie looked at each other with faces of pure joy and excitement when they realized they would be staying with their favorite wizarding family, the Weasley's.


End file.
